A Note for a Friend who just lost his Dad.

Trust that no one in the days to come will completely understand how you feel.  Most will say something that just doesn’t make sense.  Some comments will demonstrate a lack of forethought.  Others will say something you will not remember.  And several will make you very mad.

Take time every few hours to write down how you feel so you can see your progress.  Cry when you like.  Take moments to scream alone so others won’t think you are crazy.  Screaming is a normal part of the grieving process.  Missing someone dear hurts, no matter your time to prepare.  And, exponentially impactful to your intimacy with them and your growth from them.

Yes, it is likely you will have moments of overwhelm and insanity.  That is when friends should love and support but may fail.  Remember that they may be grieving, too., just differently than you.  People just don’t often admit it.  Forgive yourself all the emotions and hurts.  It is just easier to do so in this period.

Get 11 hugs a day.  Less will hinder the grief process.

Send me statements you hear others say about death that you feel are absurd.  I want to write a blog to exorcize certain statements for simply not being thought out or at times hurtful.

Feel free to share things your dad would appreciate or have liked.  Listen to the stories others will share to learn more about your dad.  Thank everyone.

And be patient with all.  Few are comfortable with death.  The foolish will try to explain grief away, but grief doesn’t resolve that way.  It is a wound that feels huge, overwhelming, painful.  Yet over time your heart accommodates the loss of the person and the impact on your being.  The space cut out never diminishes if your heart continues to grow.  So, while that space reverberates with memory.  Love allows the pain to bleed from the wound the Loss caused, sponging out the scar with tears.  And, while there will always be moments and times you visit, Time provides space so that Life can moderate.

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